


I can’t do this anymore

by DeleSonny



Category: Men’s Football
Genre: Alcohol, Football, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Self Harm, Tottenham Hotspur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:09:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28802586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeleSonny/pseuds/DeleSonny
Summary: “Just go away I don’t want to talk about it!”“Dele please-“ Eric was cut interrupted“No Eric just piss off” Dele now shouting“Fine be like that....” Dier walked out of the room and leaned up against the wall in tears. He didn’t like seeing dele like this especially because he was his boyfriend
Relationships: Dele Alli/Eric Dier
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I haven’t wrote about mental health issues with footballers yet so I decided to   
> Hope you enjoy!  
> Leaving kudos means a lot to me! :)  
> There might be a few mistakes so I’m sorry

It was a Saturday night, the night before they played Sheffield, and a few of the lads were going out drinking. Dele got invited but wasn’t up for it so instead he just collapsed on his sofa for a few hours watching films. He binged the umbrella academy, then watched the breakfast club and by the time that had finished it was around 3:00am so he headed up to bed and settled down.   
It was now 4:00am and the 24 year old couldn’t sleep. A few minutes later he received a text.....

“Hey delboy your probably asleep by now but I wanted to let you know I love you so so so much babes, see you tomorrow xx”  
“Hey I love you so so so much too Eric xx”  
“Wow your actually awake xx”  
“Yeah couldn’t sleep xx”  
“Let me guess you were binging the entire of Netflix again haha xx”  
“Yeah obviously aha :) didn’t you go out with the lads tonight? xx”  
“Yeah only stayed for a but though as I was actually aware that we have a match tomorrow lmao xx”  
“They all smashed of their faces now then? xx”  
“Haha yes! Right I’m going to let you sleep now because you need it. I love you so much xx”   
“Okay I love you too Eric xx”

Dele knew that Eric could tell something was up and he knew that because Eric knows Dele would never miss a lads night out. Getting smashed and then waking up with a ridiculous hangover on a match day.....

**

//12:00pm//

Dele was woken up by Eric ringing him about 50,000 times. 

“H-hey” Deles voice was croaky as he picked up the phone   
“Where the fuck are you Del!? It’s 12:00pm!!”  
“Oh shit! I’m on my way!” He ended the call and threw on the clothes he wore yesterday and got ready. 

Dele got to the training ground for 12:45pm and as soon as he walked in he saw Eric. 

“Dele hey!” Eric gave him a hug and they went into the changing rooms because dele needed to get into his training kit “what happened why are you so late!?”  
“Oh- I- I over slept...” dele stuttered and changed into his training kit   
“Del there you are!” Winsky came into the dressing room and grabbed his water bottle “why you so late?”  
“The dumbass overslept” Eric said rubbing dele on the head  
“Yeah” Dele let out a nervous laugh   
“Okay well I’m gonna go tell Jose that your here” Harry walked out of the dressing room   
“What time did you go to sleep Del?” Dier looked at dele in the eyes   
“Urm” The 24 year old looked down and felt dizzy all of a sudden “5:30am in the end.....”   
“Is that why you slept in?” Dier made dele look at him   
“Y-yeah....” Deles voice cracked 

Jose walked in so that saved Dele from talking and possibly telling dier what’s actually up  
“Dele can I have a word with you please?” Jose said while walking in 

Deles stomach felt tight like he couldn’t breath and everything was overwhelming

“Can I have a minute” Dele said holding his stomach   
“Of course just come to my office when your ready” Mourinho walked out of the room 

The 24 year old looked terrible and looked really ill

“Shit Del, you okay?” Eric held him to make sure he didn’t pass out or collapse   
“Y-yeah....I just need to sit down” Dele sat down and so did Eric   
“What’s really up Dele you haven’t been yourself lately....” Eric held deles hand and looked at him   
“Nothing Eric..... it’s nothing” Dele said  
“Well why is it as soon as Jose said can I have a word you looked like the world had just ended?” Dier said   
“Eric I said it’s nothing I don’t want to talk about it” Dele really didn’t want Eric knowing   
“If you don’t talk about it, it’s only going to get worse. Is it why you didn’t sleep much last night?” Dier said   
“Just go away I don’t want to talk about it!” Dele snapped   
“Dele please-“ Eric was interrupted  
“No Eric just piss off” Dele now shouting   
“Fine be like that....” Dier walked out of the room and leaned up against the wall in tears. He didn’t like seeing dele like this especially because he was his boyfriend 

**

a few hours after training Eric went round to Harry Kane’s house with Winsky and Sonny. Dele didn’t answer his phone when Kane invited him so he messaged him but still no answer.   
“Dele not coming? Son said to Eric in the car  
“Harry’s invited him but he didn’t answer his phone” Eric answered his question   
“Oh.. okay” sonny said back 

They pulled in Kane’s driveway and got out the car   
“Fuck.....ing....hell!!” Winsky looked at Kane’s house and loved it  
“Someone has found a lover” Eric joked   
“Yeah Eric I’m in love with a house” Winsky laughed

Eric rang the doorbell and Kane answered  
“Hey guys” Kane welcomed them in   
“oh my god!!” Eric and sonny were still taking their shoes off when they heard winsky shouting from the lounge “Harry how the fuck did you afford this house!?”  
“Winsky are you that dumb haha” sonny laughed at him   
“Oh yeah hehe” Winksys laugh was adorable 

It was a few hours later and they were all settled into watching films. They started off watching something that Eric suggested then they just went round the room putting films on

“Has anyone heard from Del?” Kane asked  
“Nah not yet” Sonny shook his head and so did winks.   
“Eric have you?” Sonny asked  
“Nah. I hope he’s okay. He’s missed two nights out now. That’s not like him.....” Eric said   
“I’m sure he’s fine Eric. Probably just didn’t feel up to it” Kane reassured  
“I’m gonna go pop round his house to see if he’s okay. I’ll be back in a bit..” Eric got up and left. 

**

Dier knocked on deles door and no answer so he tried opening it and it was open.   
That wasn’t a good thing....

“Del? Eric walked up the stairs and saw the bathroom door open with a light on.   
He walked into the bathroom and what he saw next scarred him  
“Holy shit Del!” 

Dele was laying unconscious with blood pouring from cuts in his arm 

“Fuck dele please wake up!” Eric was in tears by now and was calling Kane

“Get your fucking asses round here now” Eric was shouting and crying at the same time 

Kane, son and winks all came running into the bathroom where Eric was 

“Fucking hell! What the fuck happened?!” Kane’s face expression just explained it all   
“I don’t know I saw his front door was open so I went in and saw the bathroom light was on and then saw him laying here!” Eric was in tears   
“I’ve called 999. They’re on their way now” sonny said 

A few minutes later the ambulance was here and was taking dele to hospital.....

“Fuck I hope he’s okay” Kane said....


	2. I’m sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dele has just been rushed to hospital.... dier found him unconscious with blood pouring from cuts in his arm....  
> The match on the Saturday was called off due to bad weather

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 to I can’t do this anymore  
> I hope you enjoy :)  
> Leaving kudos means a lot   
> Sorry for any mistakes

It was 10:00am at Hotspur Way and Eric, Kane and winks were eating breakfast in the canteen.   
“Anyone heard any news about dele yet?” Eric asked  
“Not yet” Kane said “what about you winks?”  
“Nah not yet sorry” Winsky said   
“Does Jose know?” Eric asked   
“I mean it’s pro-“ Kane got cut off by the news that was on the tv 

Breaking news - Tottenham Star Dele Alli was rushed to hospital last night after found unconscious in home

Jose walked into the canteen as it was on the news.   
“Oh my god.....” he mumbled to himself 

**

A month later Dele had woken up from the coma he was put into.   
He was back at training but wasn’t taking part in matches for obvious reasons. Jose was talking with him in his office when dier walked past and saw dele in there   
Eric came bursting in the room and Dele stood up and they straight away hugged each other.   
“Dele you have no fucking idea how happy i am right now!” Eric was balling his eyes out and Jose have them the look to say you can go.   
“I’m so happy to see you too Eric!” Dele was also now crying. 

Dele and Eric walked out of Jose’s office and they were walking along the sidelines of the training pitches 

“I was so worried about you Del” Eric was holding Deles hand “why would you do that?”   
“I- I have a lot going on and everything was just overwhelming and I was overthinking everything and in the end it just led to this....” Dele pointed at his arm that had a bandage on from the cuts.   
“Please don’t do it again Del. I’m always here for you and you can always talk to me, any of the squad” Eric said 

They walked round the corner and saw Winksy   
“Del!!” Winsky ran up to him and gave him a hug   
“Hey Winksy” Dele said “are you okay?! How you feeling?!” Winsky was asking questions to make sure that Dele was okay   
“Harry I’m fine don’t worry!” Dele said 

**

//6:00pm// 

Dele fell asleep on his sofa for a few hours and completely blacked out for ages 

“Shit!!” He woke up at around about 9:00pm from a nightmare   
Dele texted Eric because he wanted to talk to him 

Dele: “Hey xx”   
Eric: “hey xx”  
Dele: “can we talk xx”   
Eric: “of course we can babes xx”  
Dele: “I know it sounds stupid but I had a nightmare and it’s fucked with my head xx”   
Eric: “what was is about? xx”   
Dele: “urm it was just about my mental health but it was way worse.... xx”   
Eric: “we’ll just think that it’s only a dream and it can’t hurt you xx”   
Dele: “yeah..... I’m going to go to sleep well at least try..... xx”   
Eric: “okay baby. I love you so much sleep well xx” 

Dele got up and went up the stairs to his room. He put his phone on the side table and shut his eyes.   
Dele doesn’t normally go to sleep this early but with his mental health issues at the moment he wanted to do everything he could to get rid of them. 

It was now 1:00am in the morning and Dele still couldn’t sleep. He had texted Eric a couple times but he didn’t answer. He texted Winsky and Kane but they were probably asleep. 

Dele walked into the bathroom and took his tablets that the hospital had prescribed him with for his mental health. 

He wasn’t sure weather to tell his mom and dad about it or not. Dele didn’t want to worry them. 

** 

The next day Eric picked Dele from his house and they drove to training together.   
“How you feeling today?” Eric asked   
“Good...” Dele hesitated to answer   
“You hesitated” Eric put his hand on Deles thigh. “Please talk to me Del”   
“It’s just.... I don’t know weather to tell my parents about everything that’s going on... I don’t want to worry them you know...” Dele held Eric’s hand and looked at him   
They pulled up at training and got out the car   
“just think about it and don’t make yourself feel like you have to tell them. But talking about it does help Del” Eric said 

They walked inside the training ground and went into the canteen.   
They sat down at the table where Kane and son were.   
“Morning you two” Kane said to Dele and Eric   
“Morning” Eric said 

It was a few weeks since Dele had gone back to training now so he was now competing in matches again 

“You okay Del?” Sonny asked   
“Y-yeah.... just feel a bit ill....” Dele said like he was going to be sick “I need some air”   
Dele got up from the table and walked outside and sat up against the wall with his knees up to his chest. 

Just breath Dele 

That same phrase repeating in his head as he was trying to calm down.   
He thought it was time to tell his parents so Dele asked Jose if he could leave due to that.   
He used Eric’s car and pulled in his parents driveway

He knocked on the door and his mom opened it “Dele hey! What are you doing here. Come in”   
Dele walked in and sat on the sofa with his mom  
“Can I talk to you...” Dele said   
“Of course you can” his mom answered   
“Urm so well I don’t know if you heard the news being away and all but last month I went into hospital because.... because I cut myself too deep on my arm” Dele started to cry “and my mental state hasn’t been to good lately so I thought it was the right thing to tell you about it...” Dele wiped his eyes and looked down   
“Oh Dele” his mom moved in for a hug “why didn’t you tell me sooner! Is that what that bandage is on your arm?”   
“Yeah” Dele said with his face in his hands   
“You know I’m always here for you and you can talk to me whenever you want. I won’t get mad at you at all” his mom said   
“Thanks mom” Dele was crying now and his dad walked in.   
“Hey Del. Why are you crying for. Real men don’t cry” His dad was such an asshole sometimes   
“Fuck off dad or can I even call you that” Dele said angrily   
“Now that language aint gonna get you anywhere”   
“I don’t care okay. I came here to see my mom to tell her about what’s been going on. Not to see you!” Dele went to get up but his mom stopped him   
“Del just leave him” his mom said   
“Pussy” his dad mumbled under his breath.   
“What was that?!” Dele got up this time and stormed over to his dad.   
“I called you a pussy. What you wanna hear it again.. pussy”   
Dele was pissed off now. He swung his arm and punched his dad in the face   
“Don’t call me a pussy” Dele walked off and out of the house

**

He drove to Eric’s house to give him his car back but he ended up staying there.   
They were binging movies and then they headed up to bed   
“Del can I ask you something?” Eric said   
“Yeah” Dele turned around to face Eric   
“What caused all of this like your anxiety and anger issues? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to” Eric said   
“Urm I’m not really sure to be honest. I mean when Jose started to drop me to the bench match after match that sorta got me angry. Every time I got subbed off as well that pissed me off. And then the anxiety came when I started feeling like I wasn’t good enough for the squad. I felt like I was nothing compared to everyone else.” Dele had never told anyone that before so he felt proud of himself for being able to tell someone   
“Dele your an amazing player and if anyone tells you else they’re full of shit! And it’s a normal thing to get subbed off so if your angry about it then that’s fine!” Eric put him arm around Dele and kissed him on the cheek.   
Dele blushed and smiled. He’s never been complimented like that before   
“Right get some sleep delboy. It’s getting late and you need to sleep” Eric kissed him one last time.   
“I love you Eric” Dele said   
“I love you too Del” Eric turned of the lights and they went to sleep 

Dele was finally happy...


End file.
